Home alone - It begins

Note: Note sure why I didn't post this Apr. 30th... but here we go.

So I walked out the door yesterday knowing I was coming home to nothing. Theo and George were moving out ala hired movers about mid day, so I was going to come home to an empty apartment. It felt weird, and I thought it was going to be abrupt and strange, especially without Vivianne, resident kitty.

I wondered about it all, that changes coming and the changes happening, and in a fit of whim I pulled out my deck (alchemical tarot) and ended up with these three cards:

2 of Staffs (wands) – a joining of two flames toward a common goal. The sharing of passions, merging of actions. Whether between two people romantically, or between a teacher and student, one passing the flames of understanding to the other in emotional reverence.

7 of Swords – time to pick you weapon. Consider your options, and choose that which will serve you best in the future. The rest must be left to the wayside. Not necessarily cut away forever, but set aside for singular, appropriate focus.

Ace of Swords – The pillar of possibility in intellectual pursuits. The seeker takes the step upon the path to knowledge, discernment, and understanding. The time has come to dive in head first, and take in the beginning of a path that comes from traditional knowledge and the ways that have come before, so that your own way may become clear through interpretation via intellectual digestion and rumination. (Wow, run-on sentence, much?)

Whoa. Ok, I can do that. It occurred to me then that this was indeed a time of beginnings for me. I’m living on my own for the first time (I don’t count college), I have a solid job that is relatively secure, and I make enough money that I can squirrel away savings in case the unspeakable happens (commence wood knocking). Ok, that works.

Then I got a wild hair. I pulled out my rune bag and pulled out three of those as well, focusing on my personal journey as opposed to simply the environment in which events are taking place. I received:

Kenaz – the torch. Odin journeying into the cave to speak with the talking head oracle comes chiefly to mind. But in his hand, the torch to light the way. The way is set, and I have been given a Guidepost by which to know the way. Though I may not see the path, I can still see my feet, and that can be good enough.

Mannaz – mankind. To work for the community as whole, not simply my own existence. My community work is becoming more prevalent and more in depth as the weeks progress. I must make sure I understand what I wish to contribute and what I am capable of contributing. I’ve been known to downplay my gifts and strengths for most of my life, and though that leads to caution, it also leads to lack of confidence. I understand well my abilities as they currently stand. I know what I am and more importantly what I am not comfortable doing, alone or in community. The time has come to step off the ledge into the world, and build my wings on the way down if necessary. But even then, I may not need wings to glide.

Laguz – water. Not the tranquil waters of the element which most of us associate, but the turbulent, unforgiving seas on which the Vikings sailed. A storm is on the horizon, but I would not be forging toward it if I wasn’t ready for it. I know I can not only weather its trials and survive, but can I thrive. I fear it in a way, but it is foolish to fear that which cannot be avoided. I know the seas will rock and roil and throw me about, but I know well how to swim. I will swim and sail and ride the storm out, and know more about myself by its end.

So, I'm in for a fight. I knew that. Been feeling it for a while. I knew this summer was going to be hell, and I don’t mean the heat outside. I know now the time has come for me to start fighting for my life and battling for my community. Let the games begin.

Pt 2:

Home again, home again, jiggity jig. Home to… Open rooms. I actually forgot how much space we had in this place. It’s huge and echoic and all mine! For roughly three days, two of which will be filled with work. But last night proved lovely in its solitude. Theo and George left a couple odds and ends around (so not a big deal) including Theo’s speakers, so I got to listen to My Chemical Romance while working out a bit last night. Alone. It was beauteous.

And I actually slept with my door flung open last night. That hasn’t happened in YEARS.

My only dilemma now is how to plan out tomorrow’s time so all three things that need to get done can. Painting, getting my new cable modem/cable box, and finishing boxing everything up is going to take some doing, especially with a possible second coat needed for that one wall, but it should all work out in the end. And if not, whatever happens will work, too, so no worries. It is what it is.

Note: again, not sure why I didn't post this. Oh well....