Awkward Moments, Moon Jams, and Musings

So I ‘m an idiot. Try to contain your shock. I blew off dinner with people I actually wanted to see (by blew off I mean I totally forgot about it) to have dinner and a movie with a quasi-ex I hated seen in a while. No, not THAT one, but close enough that it was quite awkward. Both of us not meeting the others eyes much, talking was stilted until we managed a neutral topic, neither of us bringing up the past. We always crossed that bridge at dinner, but thankfully not. I don’t’ think either of us wants to dredge that back up. And so to a movie we both loved to hate, and then a parting of ways where both of us were politely running. He did it to get out of the house, I did it to test the waters. They are toxic, though not hopeless. But no swimming or fishing here, ladies and gents. Not ever again.

The full moon jam was incredible. I wasn’t expecting half that many people to be there, but it was beautiful and moving and powerful and I got to see so many faces I hadn’t seen in a while, and few faces I didn’t associate with the Jam.

I love this community so much. It works so hard not to take itself too seriously and yet be open to the moment, and to every face within it. So many beautiful people, so much love of life. As I walked through and met up with one person after another, I realized something truly humbling.

I don’t have to be afraid anymore. I’ve never been good at making connections with people. I try too hard, wanting so much to share in the joys of life that I put people right off, making them uncomfortable. It was my existence for so long I didn’t think anything of it, so I never noticed when ti changed. It changed without my knowledge or say-so, and yet here I stand, in the glorious wake of it, wondering at this sudden embarrassment of riches. I never saw before the connection that were forged with people, and yet as I walk through the night, lit only by fire dancers, to the heartbeat of drummers, I realized that I have a community that cares for me as much as I care for it. I was sought out by face sint he crowd, held warm in their arms and hearts by their will alone. I never knew, but I do now. And I am honor bound to do right by them, and serve in the best way I know how.

By song and story I shall go, by brush and by note I shall show. I’ve always had so much to give, and now I have a place and people to share it with. I am humbled that I am so welcomed, and I open my own heart to them with everything I am. A perfect way to end a full moon.