The more things change...

So, it’s been a week since it all came to be. Theo, George and I will no longer be living together. Sigh.

I have to admit, I’ve known this was going to happen for a while now. Since November, in fact. I just didn’t know exactly when it would be manifest, but indeed it has. I’m at peace with it for the most part. And part of me is really looking forward to the change. I will miss living with Theo and George, but I have never lived alone before. It’s something I really need to do, as an adult as much as for myself. I believe it is something everyone should do at least once in their life so they can truly understand what the life is like.

I think the only hitch in this whole thing is something trivial that really should have been left unsaid in my opinion. Theo mentioned he was considering moving in with George for financial reasons, i.e. being able to get a bigger place than he would alone and being able to save. He was, however, concerned because such an idea might be taken badly by me, the only roommate then who would be on their own, to say nothing of outside onlookers. That’s all well and good, but the truth of it all is that there is no good way to take something like that. If that is their decision, so be it. I have no control over their actions. But is it me, or is there simply no way to look at that and not think ill of this parting?

I support them in all that they do. I love them both, and honestly, living alone is something I want. But to voice something like that, let alone doing it, is not going to be seen well, no matter the intent. It’s bad enough that I had the distinct impression during the main discussion we had about our parting that Theo and George had already come to this decision together and were simply trying to gently lead me to the same conclusion. I've seen them do it before, I wouldn’t put it past them. And honestly, I’d be offended by it if I hadn’t already had an inkling that this was the correct move.

Perhaps I’m over thinking things, but circumstances here cannot be denied. All I can do now is be of whatever aid I can to the two men in my life who mean a thing to me truly, and make this transition as smooth as possible. And in the end, that's what matters most above all the other mess. I love these guys, and if they decide to move in together, it makes it easier to partition junk and get things packed. It is what it is.

I GET A KITTY OF MY VERY OWN!!

Wringing out what’s left of my brain

So, something is squeezing my skull. It’s called Sheer Force of Will, and I’m currently utilizing it to wring as much functionality out of my head as possible. Considering how little there was to begin with, it’s an undertaking.

Recap: Isis. Of all the Goddesses to research and do anything meaningful on, I had to be picked by one of the heaviest hitters out there. Worse yet, I have a month. ONE MONTH to get this whole thing off the ground. Makes me want to pee in fear a little bit. Brain usage: 30%.

Job: Going well, all things considered. We’re all performing at levels no one likes but can’t be helped thanks to the wonders of economic leavings. I still want out of here as badly as one can, but I’m good until June, so that makes me happy. Money isn’t as tight as it could be, so all is really pretty well in this arena. I just work ungodly hours, sleep poorly, and never see the two men in my life who mean a thing to me, George and Theo. Brain usage: 20%

Study, professional: Ah, Access. How you torment me. I’ve had this discussion with Theo already, but I am NOT a big fan of the new Office ’07 layout for Access. Part of its really great, other parts of it SUCK BIG HAIRY DONKEY BALLS. Maybe it’s me. Maybe because I wasn’t used to the old layout I don’t’ appreciate the new layout for what it was meant for. I appreciate and accept that. Doesn’t make trying to learn it any easier. Brain usage: 20%

Study, personal: Going SWIMMINGLY!! I am learning so much, and branching off, and doing weird new stuff, very, very exciting!! I have Theo to thank for that on a side note, having kicked me so I face the direction I couldn’t see because there was the big gaping SIGN in my way. But whatever, yea for learning! I can’t wait for the weather to be well enough (and the ground to be dry enough) for a Montrose beach romp. I get to practice! So happy! I’m also doing two things right now I’ve never done before, and they’re ongoing and require almost constant attention, one of hoodoo origin, the other not, so trying to keep that focused has been a labor in the jumble. Brain usage: 30%.

Love life: WHAT love life? Brain usage: 5%, out of want.

Writing: It just…won’t…stop…coming… For some reason, the stories have been SPILLING out of my head. Just GUSHING. Bits and pieces and parts, all jumbled together in this enormous spaghetti wheel noise of musings and muses all vying for attention. And of course, I’m cannibalizing old stories that will NEVER be finished to put in newer stories that have the potential to get done and published. I’m now glad I never deleted this stuff, because there are pieces that surprisingly don’t suck, and work well in completely different context, different characters, even different times. Brain usage: 25%.

So, that brings us to 130% of brain capacity currently being used, not including the french fried sections. Please excuse me while I tighten the clamp…ow…