Monday, August 2, 2010

I did the right thing. So why do I feel like a swamp rat that ran over a garden snake with an alligator bulldozer on fire?

I just told a guy I care about that I can't associate with him anymore. I illustrated why, as I have on several occasions before. He and I have gone over these points of contention more than once, and he has refused to change his behavior. He keeps professing to not understand what he's doing wrong even when I spell it out for him in crayon. I tell him no, he takes it at the time, then brings the subject up against mere days (sometimes HOURS) later to see if anything has changed when I SPECIFICALLY ASKED HIM TO DROP IT.

He's not a bad person. He's a wonderful man 90% of the time. Its that 10% that kills me, and I can't invest that kind of emotion in him anymore. I'm out of spoons.

So, we had that talk. he cried. I almost did, too, but I kept it together. I'm here trying not to feel like I just ruined his life by making the choice I had to make for me. Blarg.

Being a grown up is hard. Poly is HARDER. Let's go to the spa...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I am sorry you went through that. It's natural to grieve, but I have faith you will be well in time. You are welcome to write or call if you need to vent.